Difficult concepts for some...
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Here's some of the chapter headings in this book:
She Wants the "Killer" In You
Turn Your Lust Into Gifts
Use Her Attractiveness As A Slingshot Through Appearance
Don't Force The Feminine To Make Decisions
You Will Often Want More Than One Woman
Each Woman Has a "Temperature" That Can Heal Or Irritate You
Controversial stuff, huh? The concepts in this book are difficult for many people who were children in the seventies. You didn't have to be raised by hippies to have been exposed to the egalitarian mood of that age. Some boys were given dolls. Some girls were given toy guns. Almost all had equality preached to them.
"Boys - there's nothing wrong with you being nurturing."
"Girls - you can be warriors."
In my case we had sex ed. every year from third grade until the last year of high school. We spent a long time on the concept that anyone can be or do anything he or she wants to be or do.
Preachers of equality weren't wrong. Many women have served well in the military. Many men have served well as the primary caregivers in their family.
None of that should take away from the fundamental truth: men and women ARE different. The reactions of the seventies were due to a lack of respect and understanding being accorded to one sex and these reactions weren't just about sex it was also about race too. As a society, we've improved.
Still, given that conditioning, many of the concepts in this book are perceived as offensive. Just look at some of the other reviews.
Male and female ARE opposite. One of Deida's main points is that men are driven by a sense of mission while a woman's search for love touches her core. The book helps one explore these concepts and what they mean to an individual. It's a classic in the sense that, as you live, you get something new out of it every time you read it because you start to realize more about yourself and others.
The way I best understood what truth Deida was leading his reader to is to think about what terms and in what way people criticize others. A man without a sense of mission is characterized as someone who's wishy-washy, weak and ungrounded. A woman without a sense of mission isn't vilified in those same terms (unless she's in a leadership position). It's a bad for members of both sexes to be perceived as wishy-washy but most would say a man is criticized more roundly.
What about an unloving woman? She's called cold, harsh - a bitch! An unloving man isn't excoriated that way. People are more likely to say he's misunderstood.
These truths are not self-evident. Men and women don't think and aren't gratified by the same things. Keeping in mind the differences can immeasurably improve one's romantic life and work life. It can prevent divorce or get you married to the right person. The importance of the wisdom in this book cannot be understated - it deserves not one reading but many.
You dont have to like it, simply understand it!
Customer Rating: I don't know why I depend on this book when I feel weak, depressed, sad, or passive. I read also when I am in need for inspiration and courage for direction in life and love. I find that I didn't agree with his ideas but in time something he wrote will come to mind and start making sense and feel exactly like he wrote. For example "live as if your father were dead" was one that did not hit home at first. Now that my sick father has confesed that he will not make it for 3 more months, I feel grief and pain, yet a liberation of something profound.
I also find that when I am not following my deepest purpose and not living with integrity, I feel dumb, slow, depressed, and unattractive. When I live with purpose and integrity, I am energetic, alive, happy, and very attractive and charismatic. My experience with every male friend who is not living to his potential, is always, always because of his passiveness, fear of following his purpose, and/or putting women first. It is sad but very true. I recently recommended this book to a friend who's on the gray zone of life. After reading this book, he projected his current life problem's to what David Deida talks about. This book is causing him to wake up and keeps challenging his mind.
The most painful parts are "dont change your mind to please a woman", "she doesnt really want to be number one", and "dont force the femenine to make decisions". The best relationship and time with women were when I was at my peak. Going to college, exercising, working hard, inspired, productive and full of purpose. Women flowed constantly in my direction. They would even ask me out and pay for dinner or any opportunity to be with me. I then met my ex girlfriend who loved me for what I was and who I was being, then suddenly I stopped doing all these things just to be with her and she was becoming distant and unattracted to me. She even mentioned that I didnt have a backbone or direction anymore. I lost my direction and purpose and it all went down. I learned the bad way, and continue to learn everyday from this book. Please give it time, and notice how it all ties with the experiences in your life.
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