Thank You, Mother.
Customer Rating: 
I received this book, on my birthday, from my mother. She says she picked it up, wrapped it, and presented it to me in front of all my friends, pets, teachers, enemies, monks, lawyers, tubbies, Grandmas, etc. as an "accident." According to mother, she thought it was a used copy of "Teste Stretch-30 days to longer nuts" by Dr. Dinko Plastic-but I'm not sure if either of these books are appropriate B-day presents. As such, this incident has caused many teary, sleepless nights for myself and has strained my relationship with mother to the breaking point. My reputation with colleagues has also suffered irreperable damage, and I am the laughingstock of my local 4-H club. On the other hand, My penis has gotten much more exercised and sleek. So, yeah, thank you mother.
God Made Me Deficient
Customer Rating: I am not OK the way I am. No, I am NOT. Shut up. I am deficient. God did it on purpose, but this book, thank God, gave me the ammunition to fight back, to fight Him, to put God in his place for this horrible thing he did to me. (And yet I love Him so very, very much.)
From the very first exercise--tie one end of a fishing line to your ding-a-ling, tie the other end to a cinder block, then drop the cinder block off a cliff--my weenus length began to increase exponentially, until, at last, it reached biblical proportions. "If your brother offends thee..." Well, now I have a log to remove from my own eye, and it is my own. Imagine, having to remove your own log from your own eye...! You will weep tears of joy!
Do it--do it NOW. Grow your weenus. Make yourself acceptable in the eyes of God and in the eyes of your brother-man. (Don't worry about the ladies--who cares what they think?) And next time you strut into the local supermarket in the nude, know that you have nothing to be ashamed of... quite the contrary. Because your penis is, in fact, now enormous.
(Added bonus: you will finally achieve that coveted "BOI-YOY-YOING!" sound when you pop a boner.)
