Final Exit?
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I have just come from my grandmother's hospital bedside, and I am writing this review for her...because she asked me to.
Her suicide attempt following the instructions in this book did not have her intended outcome, even though her husband found her 13 hours after she had carried out the instructions. Her death now will be long, drawn out, and painful - not only for herself, but for her son, her daughter, and her husband who now have to make decisions for her...not to mention her grandchildren who have come to her bedside and communicated their love from overseas and across the country. They love her, and though they don't understand, they want to honor her wishes. At this point, they really have no other choice.
My grandmother did not have a terminal illness before; her excellent physical health is probably responsible for her survival. When she spoke today in her hospital bed, extremely uncomfortable and exposed, she asked me what day it was.
"Wednesday, Nana."
"I took the pills on Friday," she said. "It's not supposed to take this long."
"I know, Nana. It didn't work. I don't understand your decision, but I love you, and I am not mad. It is going to take a long time. We'll be here. We are holding your hand, and you'll never be alone, but this is going to take a while."
"Tell them...it's not supposed to take this long. This shouldn't take so long. Tell people, tell everyone not to do it this way. There has to be a better way. This shouldn't happen." This book was in her dresser drawer, along with newspaper clippings from the past few years recounting executed suicides that grieving families hailed as heroic, selfless, or otherwise good decisions. She still wants to die, but it is probably going to take months. She never wanted this.
So that's what she had to say. Here's what I'll say: I haven't worked it out in my head how I feel about suicide. I have a disabling health impairment, but I have not been in the position of a terminally ill patient, and I can't pretend to understand or pass judgment. But I understand that this book is directed at terminally ill patients, and I can say definitively that in our case it found its way into the hands of a very physically healthy person who used it for different reasons...and after all of that plodding and planning, it didn't even work.
My father has agreed at my grandmother's request to advocate for patient rights. In conjunction with a doctor, taking one's own life may have merit in some circumstances. But from this book, a very physically healthy woman gathered that the act is noble and acceptable. She was probably very sick in her head and in her heart, but not a part of the target audience.
This may be the last wish that I carry out for her. I wish it were something that I could remember fondly. It isn't. But I feel good about writing this. Please don't buy this book or follow its advice.
