OurColony.net

Finally! A sane approach to finding a committed relationship

Customer Rating:
I've picked up 4 or 5 other books on dating (can read my other reviews for a few). Most of them focus on how to contort yourself into this or that person to lure a man into your commitment "lair"... or at least that is how it feels reading those books.

How refreshing it was to finally come across a book that suggests that the desire for a committed relationship is nothing to be ashamed of...and even better, how to spot and avoid commitmentphobes and better than nothing (BTN) relationships.... all things that drain your time and energy from finding someone you can share your life with. It also does a fabulous job helping you unearth all of the other ways you may be undermining your success in your search...such as hidden ambivalence and internal dialogues(there are no ways to meet people, there are no good ones, etc) that only serve to lower your odds.

I had to laugh when she said "don't expect dating to be fun". It IS like a job interview! Pace yourself, have a plan, and keep at it! All great advice...

Helpful book for singles

Customer Rating:
This book was recommended by a psychologist I met while traveling in southeast Asia. Even though the title is a strong, the book is amazing. It is an easy read and really helps you look at yourself. This book does NOT put the blame of being single on others or your environment. Each chapter focuses your issues/hangups with relationships. You will need a small notebook or a few sheets of paper to do the exercises at the end of each chapter.

In addition to looking at your issues/hangups, it also helps you realize what you are looking for in a partner and reflecting on past relationships.

Now that I have finished reading it and have talked about it with my friends, they want to buy it too.

too much psycho babble

Customer Rating:
I found this book too be a little depressing and misguiding. The author gives many examples and discussions of realtionships that went wrong which may be helpful in deciding to get out of a relationship but doesn't do much to help find a good one. The viewpoint is definitely biased towards the female side of what intimacy should be like which I feel is unfair to men and not helpful. Men are men, thank goodness. The author also prescribes to the idea that no one will love you unless you love yourself, that you have to get past your fears of intimacy before you will find the right person and that commitment phobes are people with "issues" (as opposed to being just your standard every day jerk). In general the book is unmotivating and not real world.

Read this book if you are ready to look at your issues

Customer Rating:
I enjoyed this book because it forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and what I have been doing to get in my own way. If you are serious about changing old patterns get this book.

A Must Read For Anyone Who's Ever Asked TheQuestion

Customer Rating:
If you have ever wondered why you're single, this is the book for you. It surpassed my expectations and is something I'll be recommending to friends. The book deals with the complexities in personal relationships and causes you to analyze your own behavior and confront some of your issues. It is LESS about men and their behavior and more about you: Which is the way to find healthy love by having happiness begin with you. Some great topics it covers are: examining your hidden ambivalence, how to say no when you're in the wrong relationship, how to detect and avoid men who aren't going to commit, and the best part: how to identify and say no to "BTN's", which are better than nothing relationships. A pivatol point in the book was when she discussed how you can be with a really great guy, but there might be one thing missing. And if it's something big then you have to walk away rather than settle for someone who is "almost" Mr. Right. I think many people settle and this book will show you how not to.