OurColony.net

opposing opinion

Customer Rating:
While I admire the intentions and efforts of the author and his colleagues, I have to disagree with most of his premise. His few and far between knocks to religion are all too trite for me at this point, but I think Dr. Gordon's disdain for tradition shows as well. I have to ask why?

Having a 2-year old, I am in the prime time to affect my daughter's moral outlook with my choice of disciplinary training. And we're doing great with spankings. I love her more than anything (except God and hubby) and she's a wonderfully happy child and yes, I've spanked her. But not the satirical image of spanking that Dr. Gordon refers to in his book. The truth is that biblical discipline is to be administered in love, an ideal for which there is no better substitute.

The image he portrays is of discipline is anger, with a parent out of control angrily beating a child for punishment. While this was sadly true in our society for many decades, it's out of date for these times. Granted the book is 40 years old now. But more importantly, in fact every biblical reference about child discipline will tell you to love the child while you are punishing. That means no wrath while punishing, explaining to the child (even a 2 year old) what he did wrong, hearing his apology, and having total control over the situation. And most importantly, telling the child you love him. No substitute will do. Either Dr. Gordon is ignorant of this biblical advice, which would be my guess, or he is deliberately distorting the truth to make a point.

Though I'll give credit to Dr. Gordon for some techniques I try after reading in his book. Some of which were the exact same as what I learned in pre-marital counseling classes, by the way, general relational/psychological advice. I like the idea to use "I" instead of "you". As well as Dr. Gordon's ideas for kids to solve their own problems and be included in decision-making. I will practice that as well. But as far as never "preaching" I weep for the generation who doesn't understand right from wrong. Sadly, just turn on the news to see the results of a God-less society.

Very good book tailored for parents of older children

Customer Rating:
This book contained lots of knowledge-and I say this even though I have degrees in Business Adm, and psychology. The only probelm is that I find the tecniques more approriate for childrne older than 8-10. Goo dnews is that all the information is applicaple to your other relations as well

P.E.T. What parenting requires

Customer Rating:
This book is an excellent way to break through the strife that comes along with parenting. Gentle, logical and easy to read. It can have a profound influence on your relationships, family or otherwise, in less than the time takes to read the entire book.

You will enjoy being a parent again and be forever transformed. You and your children will love, respect and admire each other even more than you could ever have imagined.

Great if you have older kids

Customer Rating:
I've read this book twice in the past year and it has not been an easy read or an easy learning experience. Most of what the author says make sense if you have an older child, maybe 6-8 year old. The book very briefly touches on how to communicate with an infant, but nothing for how to deal with a toddler or preschooler, which for me is the real challenge. How do you negotiate with someone who doesn't have enough vocabulary to communicate their needs/wants or even put a label on their own feelings? At what point you stop negotiating and start using Method I(ordering?). How do you resolve a conflict with someone who has attention span of 2-3 minutes and is off chasing a butterfly? I can see trying to use the techniques later on, but for parents of younger children "Kids are worth it" is a better read.

A Terrific Place to Start

Customer Rating:
I have studied and written about developmental psychology for 20 years. Gordon is not quite where I started, but pretty close. I do not agree with everything he asserts, but only because he reflects the era in which he wrote, and what research had proven and disproven through the 1970s. We know a great deal more today about interpersonal communication, how children and adolescents perceive, appraise and either unconsciously react or consciously respond to the environment, as well as the physical character, function and maturation of the brain.

To touch on some of the newer developments: Albert Bandura's work on "efficacy" or the sense of personal competence parents can easily help a child to develop. Alan Schore's work on brain-mapping and function showing how the developmental theories predating Gordon's work are reflected in how the child's brain actually operates. The "re-parenting" movement spawned in the field of alcoholism and drug abuse rehabilitation with its powerful, and very direct, implications for appropriate, functional parenting.

I'm hoping that we'll see a single book in the millennial era that pulls things together as effectively as this one did in its day. Bruce Perry's -The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog- is not that book, but the content there is powerful and highly useful for those with "difficult" children. Alice Miller's -For Your Own Good- is not that book, but what it reveals about the notions of child-rearing that continue to predominate to this day is deeply disturbing.

Pia Mellody's -Facing Codependence- is not that book, but her understanding of the child's mind and how we either shape or mis-shape it is some of the best data available. The recently published -Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families- (not to be confused with Janet Woititz's excellent book of similar title) may be the best lay-oriented piece now available for understanding what when wrong and how to fix it... or just do it right to begin with.

For those who really want to "go deep," I recommend Carl Rogers, Erik Erikson, Daniel Stern, John Bowlby, Diana Baumrind, Margaret Mahler, Jean Piaget, Pierre Janet and Alan Sroufe. These are the big names in child development at the professional level.

SighKoBlagGrr